I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I bet he comes in French.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
