If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
