he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
