bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
