yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
