So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
