yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
