every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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