So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
my poor anus
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
