I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
