I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
