Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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