I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
