a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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