someone threw a dead crab at me
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
