I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
