just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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