and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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