I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
