this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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