I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
