Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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