Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
