i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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