I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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