I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
