Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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