I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
how does that bad decision feel?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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