I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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