u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
