dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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