So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i think i just lost a toe
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
