the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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