a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
