drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
