Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
