Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
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