Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
