I'm going to jail i love you
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
