Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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