So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
