apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
