dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Less talking, more tequila
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
