he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
