I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
