Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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