I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
