I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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