hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
