You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
