Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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