you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
