I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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