Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize