would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
