sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
