Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
