im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
