I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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