just survived the first fart of the relationship.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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