My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
