Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
