Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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