sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
