I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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