just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
