her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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