How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
