It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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