Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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