Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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