at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dignity is for republicans.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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